An Open Letter to My Juniors

I remember my first year in Symbi, we all do. Eyes sparkling at every little thing that college offered, looking up in awe at the influential seniors, thinking that they had life all figured out. The fun clubs, the cool heads, the seemingly ultra-talented seniors who ‘knew better.’ Everyone and everything I interacted with in the first year had only one thing in common- the promise of a good time. But promises are often broken, and sometimes they are broken without as much as an acknowledgment.

There was always this innocent urge that I think I shared with all of my batchmates. The urge of amounting to something, of belonging somewhere. But one thing I forgot was that we already did belong somewhere. We belonged to Symbiosis. But then, the moment you step inside college, you’ll be made to believe that it is not enough. Like life in general, the one rule of surviving Symbi is to belong to something. To belong in Symbi, you also have to camouflage yourself into its culture. The good and the bad parts. But I am not here to talk about the good parts, because you have a lot of ‘reliable’ sources to hear them.

Belonging. Here’s the thing with belonging. It comes at a heavy price. Here, you can’t belong if you say ‘no,’ you can’t belong if you refuse to go to clubs late at night, you can’t even belong if you speak against racial slurs being thrown around as jokes. To belong you have to sell yourself a little, muffle your screams with your own fists, force oiled cotton deep into your ear canals. If you have strong, unwavering values, sorry, belonging would be next to impossible for you.

So, I changed. I did all that. I sold myself, muffled my screams, shoved my pinky fingers into my ears. All my friends were doing it. Why couldn’t I? But eventually it started hurting. My ears would ache and my throat would itch every time I was bullied as a joke; every time alcohol was shoved into my throat to let me have fun. But I kept my mouth shut. I am still silent because I am terrified. Only my fingers move behind a veil of strict anonymity.

Let me tell you the reason why I am still terrified to speak against my own suffering, why so many of us are. It’s because I saw my friend take the brunt for it. They called out a person publicly for referring to them with racist slurs and laughing it off as jokes. That too on a public group with all kinds of student authorities involved. Everyone witnessed the drama. A few good people even joined my friend to solicit an apology from the said person. But then that was it. After much backlash, the person apologized. My friend who was called the racist slurs did not accept the apology. But everyone else did, and that’s all that mattered.

You would think that making toxic jokes masking racism, homophobia, or superiority complex, (followed by an apology given after some serious backlash) would result in a person being reprimanded. But no, solicited apologies are glorified more than the people who asked for it.

The people spewing these toxic slurs are elevated to positions of power and respect. They are put on pedestals where impressionable first years see and idolize them, and eventually learn from them. The level of unaccountability in the student culture of Symbiosis is terrifying. And no you can't report it. Even if Symbiosis administration has ensured several mechanisms to support you guys, from faculty mentors to anti-ragging cell. If you report it, you're a coward, a snitch, and God FORBID, "uncool." You simply cannot go against the student leadership in college.

Let me take a minute and talk about the said leadership. I don’t like swearing in writing, but I just have to say it. It’s f*cked up. Once you start working under people, you discover how much some of them scream incompetence. Obviously, this is not true for every single student entity (you will also find some brilliant folks in the leadership). But an overwhelming portion of it definitely is. We have leaders who don’t even know how to draft professional emails, some clubs and cells go the whole year without a single worthwhile event, journalistic bodies that are supposed to voice out students’ opinions only publish creative articles that are anything but informative. And they still get to add ‘Head of the Department’ in their CVs to floor the future employers.

All this comes from the fact that there is no real merit assessment during the selection of leaders. You’re dating the exec? Congratulations now you get to head a department. Oh the council in charge was your roommate? Yay! Here is a club that you can head. Even the bodies that are formed by student votes are partially rigged. How else do you allow only one person to stand for a position in an election? In a freaking election?!

From where I stand, anytime the power lies solely in the hands of students, with no faculties/college authorities involved, politics goes awry. I have seen it, experienced it, and I have seen my best friends get the worst of it. But there is hope. The existence of a new, fresh batch not yet corrupted by college politics gives me hope. You guys have the chance to be better, bolder and more badass. You guys have the power to change things, and based on the interactions I have had with some of you so far, I believe that you will, at least some of you will.

So, support each other. Don’t let anyone bring you down. Don’t get divided into clubs, departments and cells and become rivals. Love each other. Say ‘f*ck you’ to the divide and rule strategies. Speak up when your friends are bullied. Don’t smoke if you don’t want to, don’t drink to fit in, don’t let your friends touch drugs to fit in. Seek help. Symbiosis has great counsellors in SCEW who give you counselling for free. Reach out to them, have your struggling friends reach out to them. Take the first step and drop them a mail at mindhelp@siu.edu.in (they even do telephonic appointments). Take care of one another’s mental health. The college has worked hard to provide you these support systems, so next time your faculty mentor asks you if everything is okay, don’t say ‘yes’ if you don’t mean it. You guys are powerful enough to change the culture so many of us have suffered from. I am not going to be here to see it, because I am graduating in a few months. But I believe in you. I believe that you guys can do it.

Yours happily,

A hopeful senior.

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